How not to network.

Wow.

I went to a networking event that was kind of a disaster for me.

First off, it was about a million miles away from my house and started at 8am.

Not a morning person (not by a LONG shot) I planned on getting up extra early to get a headstart jump on rush hour traffic. Oh, did I forget to mention I took THREE separate expressways to get there and all of them were basically bumper-to-bumper traffic? Yeah…the drive was not pretty. Rush hour traffic drivers are not morning people, let me tell ya!
The group I was meeting was a leads group. I’m not 100% sure what this means other than networking is done and it’s not called a networking group.

Let me backtrack for a moment…

I was invited to this leads group by someone I met online. If you get out your handy-dandy Internet ruler, she and I live close to each other. If I only had a horse and buggy to get there, it would be a day-long trip.

I was invited the first time a few weeks ago, and we had a discussion at that time that they already had a marketer in the group so I’d go as a graphic designer. I agreed, but was unable to make it to the group at that time. She invited me again on Tuesday, and my schedule was clear, so I agreed. She told me the name of the restaurant and the town it was in.

That’s it.

Now, I’ll admit I didn’t think to send her an email asking what the procedure was. But it didn’t dawn on me it would be everyone giving elevator speeches (not my strong suit) and sitting willy-nilly wherever you can in the restaurant. No – that’s an unfair assessment – there was a u-shaped pushing together of tables, both square and round, so that I ended up eating my pancakes at an awkward angle…and it was assumed by the waitress I’d be using the syrup and butter of the COMPLETE STRANGER next to me. Since someone was speaking to the group at the time I wasn’t feeling good about asking the waitress for anything. I mean, I don’t want to be rude.

The bussboy had other ideas. He wandered into the U blocking my vision on multiple occasions. Once he even walked straight at the woman that was doing her presentation for the group! She had to move out of HIS way! It was baffling.

So the RIGHT way to do a pitch to the group was

• Your name
• Business name
• Elevator Speech
• Your name
• Business Name

I arrived six minutes late. I was pretty impressed considering the amount of traffic I had to fight to get there in the first place. Someone was already speaking, so I politely waited at the outskirt to find out what procedure was.

A woman came over and asked if she could help me, I told her I was a guest of someone in the group, and asked if I needed cash and if so was there an atm. She said sorry, there wasn’t an atm but there was across the street. So I went…and came back…and was then directed to the only empty chair…in between two people I didn’t even know.

The funnest part is when I sat down, the guy next to me was at the tail end of his elevator speech…so it was MY TURN. I didn’t have a chance to hear what others were saying, or even to put my purse down on the ground. So, sitting in a diner chair with my purse in my lap I did my best…only to hear the person who invited me (two seats down) stage-whispering “GRAPHIC DESIGN” “GRAPHIC DESIGN” – which allowed me to tack on “I also do graphic design…”

I sounded like such an ass. Seriously.

Recovering while eating my short stack of pancakes (since when does a short stack and a coffee cost $7.70???)  one of the women walked up to me and put a business card holder – held closed by a rubber band – in front of me on the table.

And walked away. 

I asked the woman next to me what I was supposed to do with it. She informed me I was supposed to “take out business cards and put yours in” – um…I think I know what you mean…here’s hoping…as I take out business cards that seem interesting – for people I’ve never met before. How on earth is that good networking? I mean, no matter how good the business card is, if I haven’t met someone, I’m not going to want to work with them. (In most cases, anyway.)

Then we listened to the Shaklee rep (I love me some Shaklee, so this was good times) and then the financial advisor. She did well for the subject. You can only make traditional vs roth IRAs so interesting, really.

Then they went around and everyone said who they got a lead for that week. THEY ACTUALLY PAUSED WHEN THEY GOT TO ME! Like, what the HECK was I supposed to say? I just said “I don’t have anything” and the woman leading replied “of course not” (in a nice way!) and they moved on.

But really…did they need to pause? Obviously I was a guest!

Then it was over. A couple people inquired about my services, and about five minutes in the person who invited me said she had to leave to teach a class…and was gone.

Serously. That was it. I thought we’d socialize or something for a bit afterward. I drove over an HOUR in rush hour traffic, I mean, throw me a bone or…here’s an idea…let me know you’re going to leave right after the meeting. Would that have been so difficult?

I’m not mad at her, I think it was a kind gesture to invite me to her weekly networking group. I appreciate it, really. But I’ve also learned a few valuable lessons about asking questions and not assuming the person inviting me is going to give me all the pertinent information I need before walking into the event.